Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
