White coat. Heels.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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