I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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