im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
