it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
