i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
