i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
