who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
