don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just found a bag of teeth...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
