btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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