Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
