he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
