Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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