I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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