After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
