Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
