Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
