Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
