You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
