I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
