I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
