i can't believe i had my finger in that
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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