I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
