he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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