This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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