I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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