Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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