Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
