i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
