last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
