i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
