Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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