Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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