you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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