It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
