i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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