will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
