8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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