I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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