so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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