I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
