marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i will never coherently bang her
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
