my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
