I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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