I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
