Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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