just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
