Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
