eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you inspire me to be a worse person
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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