my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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