i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
